His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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