my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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