Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
