4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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