You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
