I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
