beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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