Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
