I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
