Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
