My friends, they love my intelligence
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
soo... how was my night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
