Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
