Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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