So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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