Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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