Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize