Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
