my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
