Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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