Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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