I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
