I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
