The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
