i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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