I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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