I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
