i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
