D3 body, D1 cock
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
