I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
