I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
