Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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