He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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