Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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