im about as happy as oj after his trial
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
