I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love having hate sex.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
