It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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