So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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