cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
