so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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