I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
