I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
