I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
