i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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