i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
