i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
