omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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