You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
whose ass print is on the piano?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
