finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
