I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
