so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Randomize
