definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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