Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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