im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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