My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
