You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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