Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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