We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
