Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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