you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
