the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
