You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We're too hungover to prance.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
