Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize
