Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
