Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
