Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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