also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
