i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
