You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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