You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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