The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
