i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
