i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
