a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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